Soto and Sweet Lucy

Well, I guess all those stories about the "calming influence" Soto had over the pitching staff make a lot more sense with the news that Geo tested positive for marijuana during the WBC. This also explains his penchant for showing up to spring training on the hefty side - I'm not a social scientist but I'm guessing there's a low correlation between marijuana usage and spending a lot of time in the gym.

Going forward, I think this has two major implications. The hecklers will be coming fast, furious and forever. Remember how that guy sitting next to you at the Reds game in 2002 had that really great "Griffey is injury prone" put down? And remember how that guy sitting next to you in 2008 had that really old "Griffey is injury prone" put down? Well, in 2016 I'm guessing you'll still be hearing Soto marijuana taunts from the stands. But on the plus side I'm hoping that Cubs organist Gary Pressy is hard at work learning to play some Cypress Hill or Sublime tunes to accompany future Soto trips to the plate.

Secondly, I'm hoping "calming clubhouse influence" might enter the baseball lexicon as code for a player that likes to smoke the occasional joint. This could go right up there with:

• "Hardest worker on the team... lives in the weight room" - Which of course is code for being a living example of the benefits of modern pharmacology. Aside from the numerous baseball players this has applied to, I think the textbook case is probably my favorite player from the 1993 ECU Timberwolves.


• "Flu-like symptoms" - They might as well call this Mantle-itis... only the Mick was supposedly legendary for playing in less than ideal condition, lets go with calling this a case of the Strawberries. Or if you're in the NBA, trying to hang with Ricky Davis.


• "Tremendous competitor" - Tremendous asshole. There's a reason these guys end up playing on 5 teams in 10 years.


• "Fundamentally sound" - No talent... when is the last time you heard about a fundamentally sound player sending a ball 450 feet into the stands? OK, now when's the last time you heard of a fundamentally sound player grounding a single between the second and first basemen?

• "Scrappy" - See fundamentally sound. Could also be used to describe any undersized white guy, especially if he plays for Duke and slaps the floor every time down the floor and flops like a European center trying to guard Shaq in his prime.

So light one up for Geo ladies and gentlemen. After all, now we know why Piniella hasn't been kicked out of too many games as the Cubs skipper.