Football Season is Upon Us

It may be 90+ degrees here in Chicago but pay no mind to the temperature, the NFL's annual Hall of Fame game officially kicked off the 2009 football season last night. With that in mind, here's a quick list of what's on my mind as we get ready for some football.


The Fantasy Football Sleeper
If you have a conversation with any guy about fantasy football this exchanges probably happened around the five minute mark.


Guy A: I can't wait for the draft.
Me: Yeah, it should a good time.
Guy: I'm going to kill the draft. I have a couple of sleepers that are going to win me some serious money this year. I'd tell you who they are but since we're in the same league you're going to have to wait until draft night.
(Wait 30 seconds)
Guy: So my sleepers are...


In other words, the idea of having "discovered" a great sleeper is more highly regarded than the value the sleeper brings to your team. Everyone just wants the rest of the league to know how smart they are and why they should be running the Bears and not Jerry Angelo. Bad example with Angelo, but you get my point. This is why Lendale White will be drafted in the third round of your draft.

No Brett Favre
In my mind, Favre hung up his cleats as soon as he turned into a Popsicle during the 2008 NFC championship game. But I've got to admit, I've really grown fond of sending my Packer friends Photoshopped images of Favre in Vikings uniforms... even if most Packer fans haven't figured out how to get their computer out of the box.

The lingering question is how is the NFL Network and ESPN are going to fill the 4 hours a day they devoted to Favre coverage? I just pray (no pun intended) that this void is not filled with Chris Connley pieces on what a great guy Kurt Warner is set to soft piano music. Is it too much to ask for a piece on Kurt Warner forcing a tourist to smuggle a kilo of Bolivian snow through customs? Everything I've heard to this point leads me to believe that the guy is the second coming of Mother Theresa. At the very least we need to cast him as the villain in the next Die Hard. I just can't see how this guy can run a huddle... we need some of this... or at least something like this.


Saturdays at the Shadows
Hands down the best Iowa football bar in Chicago. And every year it gives you a Goodwill Hunting moment. Sure, it's good to have a waitress and/or bartender that knows your name and beverage of choice... but it's also nice to walk in there, ask where so-and-so is and have the new guy tell you that they don't work there anymore and landed a job they can make a career out of.


Hank Williams Jr.
Lastly, we need to thank the man who gave us the Monday Night Football theme. And one of the best pieces of unintentional comedy from the 2008 Presidential campaign. What else can you say about Hank? Personally, I wake up every day hoping that he hooks up with Glenn Beck for a duet.



The Impossible Dream
Every year I enter in a Survivor pool with 5,000 other saps in an attempt to prove my football prognostication skills. And every year I last just long enough to get my hopes up before being bested by someone's girlfriend who is only in the league to prove how stupid these things are. Girlfriend win. That's the type of thing that will be held over your head for a lifetime.


The Impossible Dream II
Every year you probably look at your team's schedule and convince yourself there is a scenario in which your team can win the national title. Even if you root for Rutgers. For me it looks something like this.

If Iowa can get through the pre-Big 10 schedule undefeated (somewhat likely)...
And if Iowa can avoid any let downs against teams they should beat (feasible)...
And if Ferentz can out coach JoePa by 3 touchdowns at Happy Valley (1 in a 100)...
And if they play Ohio State in a monsoon (not going to happen)...
And if Terrelle Prior doesn't show up for the monsoon game (when does Mo' Clarrett get out of jail?)...
Iowa could get to the BCS championship game.


Then we'd need to go to another series of ifs that involve multiple team buses from Texas or Florida getting lost on the way to the stadium. Yes, I have convinced myself this could happen.


Bloody Marys
A great drink to start off your day. Unfortunately, society frowns upon day drinking unless you're this guy or tailgating. And while Bloody's can't be an everyday drink, nothing is better to kickoff a Saturday tailgate. Anyone that tells you differently doesn't know any better or needs to have that Mimosa slapped out of their hands (don't worry about them hitting you back... they're drinking a friggin' Mimosa). And please hold the celery, pickle spears are the chosen accompaniment of the professional.