When I originally set out to write this blog, I was planning to write about the Tim Tebow Focus on the Family ad. But not in the manner that the other 4,576 blogs and columns took on this issue… so hold the hate mail and angry comments. I don’t want to turn the comment log into an awkward dinner party with the Palins and Kuciniches.
Kucinich: “Please pass the merlot… or do you think we should wait for the free market to send it along”
Palin: “You betcha Mr O’Kucinich. BTW, I found your speech on the floor of the House interesting but let me ask a follow up question. Do you hate America because you’re a commie or is there another reason?”
Getting involved in that debate is more dangerous than standing between Jesse Jackson and a television camera.
No, my quest was reviewing the logic of forking over about $2.6 for 30 seconds with no real product to move. Is paying that much money for an ad the best way to advance the organization’s vision? Could that money have been better spent somewhere else – I imagine trying to paint a Supreme Court nominee as a cross between Stalin and Neville Chamberlain is very expensive. Would donors feel this is a good use of their money?
What are they trying to accomplish here – do they not think this debate gets enough attention? After all, the road is littered with small-to-mid size organization buying a Super Bowl ad for no good reason and then ending in bankruptcy 2 years later.
So I went to the Focus on the Family website and started to search for some financial information. Well, there’s no financial information to be found---but that’s where this article takes a hard left into WTFville. The FAQs.
Most of these are pretty run of the mill… how to contact the organization, information about their charitable initiatives. And there are a few slightly odd ones that get a bit specific into family issues. But then there’s #21 on the list.
“How can I motivate my freeloading 27-year-old daughter?”
Wow. Freeloading daughters must be common issue amongst the Christian right. After recovering from what I believe to be a minor stroke, my mind instantly starting picking this apart. Why 27, is it OK to freeload up until 26? Is it OK to freeload if you’re a man? If she was a married, childless, stay-at-home housewife that didn’t keep up the house would it be OK?
Unfortunately, the answer isn’t as mind-bending as the question; it’s a predictable “tough love” argument. Although if I was counseling these naïve parents I might ask a few follow-up questions about jam music and odd tobacco-like smells emanating from the basement.
And now my mind is shot to the point where I can’t think of a coherent close to this entry. So I’ll take the easy way out and post a few other gems farther down the Focus on the Family Q&A along with my thoughts. And let me answer this question before you ask it… these are actual, word-for-word, unedited questions on the website.
“What are your concerns about legalized gambling?” – If I was Focus on the Family, my only concern would be if Bill Bennett is on my Board of Directors.
“Do you think I should tell my wife when another woman makes a pass at me?” – Absolutely. Heck, if it doesn’t happen regularly you should make up a story every now and then. You need her to think you’re still in demand.
“I need help with the problem of pornography; can you help me?” or “What can I do about pornography in my community and/or on my computer?” – Ask your 15 year old son how to clear out your browsing history so your wife doesn’t find out. Or your freeloading 27 year old daughter… that should sufficiently freak her out to the point where she’ll get a job and move out of your basement. That’s what we in the real world call getting two birds with stone… I’m not sure what it’s called in the porn business but I’m guessing it costs extra.
How should I discipline a child with ADHD? – Quickly.
Is it OK to permit sassiness from my child as an emotional outlet? – No, sassiness is a gateway emotion. Before you know it, you’ll have a smart alec on your hands… and then you have a real problem.
Can my husband's deteriorating health be caused by his affair? – I’m pretty sure this is the definition of an STD.
What can parents do to improve public schools? – If you’re still on the Focus on the Family FAQs at this point, I’d say it’s a pretty safe bet your child is home schooled… don’t worry about the public schools, focus on your kid’s crippling lack of ability to socialize with other kids.
What about Halloween? – It’s on October 31… you should have candy available for trick or treaters… it becomes a very different holiday when you go away to college… anything else you need to know?
How can I deal with my young daughter's bad moods? – Harshly, if not you’re likely to have a 27 year old freeloader on your hands down the road.
If my husband drinks a lot but doesn't get drunk, is he an alcoholic? – No… you’re probably just slowly sucking the life out of him.
In what direction is the pornography industry moving these days? – Is anyone else wondering why Focus on the Family seems to be an expert on this topic?
Has Focus on the Family reviewed William P. Young’s novel, The Shack? – Not yet… this porno thing is taking more time than they thought.
Is this e-mail an Internet hoax? – This isn’t an email Sparky, but I’m beginning to think this message board may be a hoax… I’m on my fifth “you can’t be serious” and I’m only 20% through this thing.
How can my fiancée and I avoid divorce? – Let me know if this solution is too complex… call off the wedding.
Why can't my wife and I get along, even when we want to? I’m guessing it’s because you ask questions like this on a regular basis.
Does my husband have the right to continue a gay lifestyle and marriage to me? – Only if you’re Senator from Idaho or a high profile pastor that publically and adamantly insists being gay is a sin.
What do you think about date rape when a girl has given a guy the come-on? – I’m speechless. I guess this proves that morals and religion don’t go hand in hand.
Where can I read more about Islam on this Web site? – I’m sure too many aspiring Muslims find themselves here.
What are the prospects for the very pretty or handsome child? – This goes back to the home schooling issue.
Why is it important for citizens to be involved in the political process? – It’s important to attempt to counter the influence of this organization.
Well, 400 words later I still don’t have a good close… but I do have fodder for another entry. I’ll tackle the last 2/3 of the Best of these FAQs in another entry. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to seek medical attention for this stroke.
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