A sequel of this magnitude hasn’t been seen since The Godfather II. Unfortunately you have me penning this script so you’re more likely to get The Godfather III. Remember, these questions are real… the answers are pure speculation.
Why are kids no longer required to shower after a school gym class?
I’m not sure what the answer his but I’m guessing Focus on the Family is going to try and link this to the lack of religion in schools. Well, I was wrong… you probably won't belive me but the answer is MUCH more creepy.
Why do my spouse and I never talk anymore?
Maybe you should ask her instead of a web site.
What is Pokemon, and what does Focus think of it?
Focus and I actually agree on this, Pokeman is eroding America’s values.
How can a father influence his daughter's attitude toward boys?
You’re going about this all wrong. Don’t try and influence your daughter, influence the boys. Next time a kid comes to pick up your daughter make he sees you cleaning your shotgun. That ought to do it.
Where is the gambling information on the Focus Web site?
“The” gambling information? I didn’t know Dr. Dobson had a blackjack system but why didn’t he tell Bill Bennett? I guess it makes sense, I could see Alex P. Keaton and Dr. Dobson attending the same political rallies.
Are there reasons why I shouldn't move in with my boyfriend?
There are plenty of reasons why you shouldn’t move in with that guy… Focus on the Family will probably give you the 5 least important ones.
Do you have a review of Twilight?
Slow down there sparky, Focus on the Family is still hashing out its Pokeman position. Check back in 10 years.
Is the American Girl company supporting a pro-abortion organization?
Only in this respect:
1) Single guy heads towards his favorite bar to watch some Saturday afternoon football with his buddies
2) Single guy sees a dad come out of the American Girl with his daughters and two shopping bags.
3) Single guy restocks his condom supply on the way home. .
What is a forum?
So we’ve transitioned from random questions of morality to a dictionary.
How can I keep my 14-year-old on track?
If you raise your kid in a strict religious household you’re going to get one of two outcomes. One, a clone of yourself that attends Bob Jones “University” and is a closet porn hound. Two, the girl doing shots of Tequila and dancing by herself in the bar at 7:00. Two tracks, very different destinations.
I'm 22 years old; why can't my parents leave me alone?
It’s probably because you’re still living in their basement because General Electric wasn’t impressed with that degree from Bob Jones “University” and your thesis attempting to disprove evolution.
Why does Focus on the Family cover only a limited range of issues?
Limited? Their FAQs cover everything from Pokemon to dead beat children to gay spouses; that seems to be a pretty wide range of issues. Do you need their opinion on the existence of the Yeti or what they thought about the last episode of Seinfeld?
I found a condom and a cigarette lighter in my daughter's purse. Should I confront her?
Well, since you found a condom and a lighter I’d say yes. Independently I’d just leave it be.
Our teenager is using drugs.
That’s not a question.
I'm a pastor who's addicted to Internet pornography, and I don't know where to turn.
How many pastors had to send in this question to get it on the board? And does Focus on the Family differentiate between Internet and other forms of porn? And when he/she asks "where to to turn" are they asking for help or recommendations?
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